James Rolfe’s Cinematic Novel ‘Gnome Cave’ Struggles to Find Its Audience [Review]

Making art and criticizing it are two completely different skillsets. While both activities require creativity and an extensive knowledge of the medium you’re working with, it’s often difficult for an individual to smoothly transition from one to the other. And in the case of internet celebrity James Rolfe (better known as the Angry Video Game Nerd), the difficult production surrounding 2014’s AVGN movie certainly put a damper on his Hollywood ambitions. Thankfully, James isn’t the type to give up after a single difficult level, and that’s why he’s trying his luck with another form of storytelling in his debut horror novel, Gnome Cave.

Based on a screenplay that Rolfe soon realized would be impossible to bring to life without a sizeable budget, the story was then altered to be a highly cinematic book meant to be read in about the same amount of time that it would take to watch a movie. According to the preface, however, the ultimate goal here is for the novel to spark enough interest in an adaptation so that the Gnome Cave can finally become a reality.

In the finished novel, we follow middle-aged driver Dante as he becomes trapped in a nostalgic spiral after the death of his sick mother. Obsessed with a childhood memory involving an animatronic theme park ride featuring a terrifying dragon that he never had the guts to face as a child, a grieving Dante reaches out to his childhood friends so that they can fulfill their collective vow to one day face the monster at the end of the now-abandoned Gnome Cave. Unfortunately, the dragon isn’t the only danger lurking in the dark.

While this premise initially sounds a lot like Rolfe’s take on the mascot horror craze inspired by Five Nights at Freddy’s, I assure you that the story takes an entirely original approach to having characters revisit a nostalgic location only to discover that the past is far less innocent than it seems. In fact, this is more of a psychological horror experience than anything else, with the story combining the retro scares of Stephen King’s It with the more grounded tension of a Hitchcockian thriller.

Unfortunately, this genuinely interesting setup and fascinating main character (who is almost certainly inspired by the author’s own love-hate relationship with nostalgic media) are hampered by a collection of baffling creative decisions involving narrative structure and an inherent misunderstanding of the basic difference between screenwriting and conventional literature.

In fact, describing the book as being based on James’ original screenplay is a little misleading, as the text often feels like it contains the entirety of that script with the addition of inner monologues and the occasional elaborate scene description. While translating the visual descriptors of scene transitions and implied cuts could have made for a unique reading experience, the overreliance on cinematic language makes it obvious that this isn’t Rolfe’s true vision for this project.

And while we get the occasional peak into characters’ thoughts, there’s no real attempt at developing them further than trope-y archetypes, almost as if it’s taken as a given that acting and direction will eventually fill in the blanks – and that’s not even mentioning the jarring changes in point-of-view that frequently come out of nowhere. Granted, the character of Dante remains interesting throughout the entirety of the novel, and I love how we have to assemble bits and pieces of his backstory instead of getting it all at once, though it’s a shame that his darker side isn’t explored any further.

The chapter divisions were also arbitrary at best and distracting at worst, with it often feeling like James was struggling to pad out a really short script into a decently sized book even though the end result is little more than a bloated novella. I’m not exactly bothered by Gnome Cave’s short length, but when coupled with the awkward prose, it paints a picture of a rushed project that needed more time in the oven before it was ready for publication.

Besides, even if this were a real movie, I’d still be bothered by how the majority of the plot consists of an elaborate setup attempting to realistically get our reluctant party inside of the abandoned Gnome Cave as well as an unnecessarily elaborate epilogue. The actual meat between these narrative buns is little more than an afterthought, with nearly all of the kills happening within the span of a few pages. This is a real shame, as I’d argue that this is the first time in Rolfe’s career that his story ideas are unique enough to dispense with his usual trashy aesthetics and vulgar humor (elements that I still usually enjoy in his other work).

In fact, there are plenty of entertaining standalone moments here, such as certain descriptions of the decayed animatronics as well as Dante’s desperate rationalizations about his ridiculous quest. There’s also some intentional irony in the fact that a critic known for a theme song about how he’s “gonna take you back to the past” is the one telling this parable about toxic nostalgia. And while your mileage may vary according to how easily you pick up on certain clues early on in the story, I was thoroughly impressed with the brutal twist towards the middle of the narrative.

Alas, none of these positive elements can quite make up for the poor craftsmanship surrounding them. I’d be a little more forgiving if the book was actually targeted at a younger audience like some have suggested, but Gnome Cave instead oscillates between middle-age drama and Goosebumps-level frights as if the author himself is unsure of who the target audience is meant to be.

While I firmly believe that Gnome Cave would be more enjoyable as a film – as James clearly has a better grasp of visual storytelling than literary communication – I’m afraid that this hybrid screenplay/novel simply doesn’t work as a cohesive genre experience. There are plenty of impressive individual elements here, but the odd structure and inconsistent tone make this a rare case where you’re actually better off waiting for the movie.