Haunted Mansion Review – Is Disney’s New Movie Worth Seeing?

Ever since the 1975 horror blockbuster Jaws made us afraid to go into the water, America has had an obsession with sharks. While great whites get most of the attention, any aquatic killer with sharp teeth will usually quench our collective thirst for marine menace. In 1988, Discovery Channel launched Shark Week, a seven day block of programming filled with nature documentaries, celebrity cameos, and aquatic reality TV designed to explore the wide world of sharks. This annual event has been going strong for the past 45 years, working its way into the public consciousness to become a household name. Each summer’s horror offerings usually bring with it one or more films of the Shark Horror subgenre. Featuring the underwater predators as their villains, these movies vary widely in quality and usually sink or swim based on the verisimilitude of their special effects. 

As sharks–even the fake ones–are notoriously difficult to direct, filmmakers are often forced to get creative. Bruce, the finicky shark star of Jaws, famously malfunctioned on the water, causing Steven Spielberg to film many attack scenes from the shark’s point of view. This technique is frequently seen in slasher films as well, used to conceal the identity of a killer lurking in the shadows. Though it eventually becomes necessary to show the face of the monster, the first person point of view creates an overwhelming sense of danger anytime a character ventures into the water, or the Myers house, or Camp Crystal Lake, etc. Enter Shark Night 3D. David R. Ellis’s 2011 film manages to combine the teeth of aquatic horror with the slasher structure to create a bloody adventure that feels like swimming into the jaws of a Shark Week special. 

Shark Night 3D begins with a bit of cringe. After gliding along the lake’s murky floor, We approach a bikini clad bather standing in shallow water. Rather than the shark, she’s first attacked by her boyfriend who insists on taking her top off despite her pleas to leave her alone. After tossing his girlfriend’s bathing suit out into the lake, this obnoxious man wanders back to shore for a sandwich while the unseen shark approaches to finish the job. In a sly wink to the iconic opening of Jaws, she thrashes back and forth in a rapidly growing pool of blood before disappearing under the surface. It’s a fun, but brutal homage to a classic and the perfect introduction to a film in which the sharks are deadly, but the human monsters prove to be the bigger threat. 

Ellis then shifts focus to our main cast of shark bait. To celebrate passing an important exam, football star Malik (Sinqua Walls) insists his shy tutor Nick (Dustin Milligan) join him and a group of friends for a weekend trip to the Louisiana Gulf. Along with his roommate Gordon (Joel David Moore), friends Beth (Katharine McPhee) and Blake (Chris Zylka), and Malik’s girlfriend Maya (Alyssa Diaz), they take a road trip to Sara’s (Sara Paxton) house on the shores of Lake Pontchartrain. Back in her hometown for the first time in three years, Sara bumps into familiar faces from her past. Red (Joshua Leonard) and Dennis (Chris Carmack) are local divers who resent the city folk who flaunt their wealth throughout town. On the water, Sara races boats with Officer Sabin (Donal Logue), the lake’s law enforcement who treats her with the goofy affection of an older brother. Arriving at her lavish house, the friends relax with beer pong and water-skiing before a lake full of flesh-eating sharks crash the party. The first few scenes admittedly play out like a clumsy assemblage of college stereotypes. However, as the plot thickens, many emerge from the pack and prove to be much more than clueless coeds. 

Ellis avoids merely recreating a soulless monster movie with a smart script and an impressive cast. Dustin Milligan helms the large ensemble and seems to be developing the loveable goody two-shoes persona we would come to love on Schitt’s Creek. Gordon begins the film as the devil on Nick’s shoulder, encouraging him to ignore his studies and hit on Sara. However, he rises above the nerd/gamer/pick-up artist stereotype and puts himself in danger to serve as Beth’s bodyguard. Blake earns a few early laughs as a winking narcissist slathering his nether regions with spray tan, but he also turns out to be much more than a dumb Adonis. Seemingly in love with Malik, the weeping model risks his life to transport his friend to safety. Perpetual MVP, Donal Logue elevates a character who could easily serve as a simple plot device and Joshua Leonard is nearly unrecognizable as the snaggle-toothed Red. Fully committing to the disgusting role, it’s fun to see him lose himself in villainy twelve years after falling victim to the Blair Witch. What’s missing is concern for the female characters. Though the actresses do their best with what they’re given, Sara, Beth, and Maya exist to be wooed and ogled by men or gobbled by sharks. 

Responding to a flare, Red, Dennis, and Sabin appear to be welcome saviors, however we soon learn that they are the film’s true predators. Obsessed with Shark Week, they’ve devised a plan to create their own thrilling event by stocking the lake with a variety of shark species outfitted with cameras (the same ones they used for March of the Penguins!) to capture the gruesome carnage up close. They plan to sell these shark snuff films on the black market, enriching themselves with the blood of visiting tourists who treat them like local trash. These three villains feel like a sinister recreation of the heroic trio from Jaws mixed with the depraved family of Texas Chain Saw Massacre fame. Sabin is the local police officer fed up with disrespect from the people he’s sworn to protect. Red is the rough and tumble fisherman who despises outsiders and Dennis is the tech-obsessed opportunist geeking out over his extensive knowledge of shark behavior. Like the Sawyers and their barbecue, these three locals survive by symbolically butchering and selling the bodies of the rich teens who stumble into their clutches. 

Rivaling this impressive human ensemble is a deep roster of shark stars. Playing out like a sinister version of Jurassic Park, the lake contains enclosures filled with various species each boasting a signature bite. Bull sharks, hammerheads, tiger sharks, threshers, and a great white all emerge to prey on the doomed college kids. Even the tiny cookie cutter sharks get a moment to shine. Psychotic marine enthusiasts Dennis, Red, and Sabin have done their homework and delight in torturing their victims with grisly descriptions of each fish’s M.O. Shark Week has frequently been criticized for vilifying these aquatic predators, but Ellis positions humans as the true monsters. The sharks simply show up and eat. That’s not to say these carnivorous fish are gentle. Each species proves to be more ferocious than the next. They ram boats, smash cages, tear flesh, and jump out of the water to pluck their victims from trees. One particularly fun moment recreates the outhouse scene from Jurassic Park as a massive shark bites a victim in half from the seat of a jet ski. Like an aquatic version of the ‘92 Dream Team, this shark squad gnashes and tears its way through anyone and anything remotely near the water. 

Former junior pro surfer, Ellis leans on his background in stunt coordination with exciting action sequences, harrowing chase scenes, and a bonus boat explosion. Lake Pontchartrain is far from the crashing waves of the Atlantic Seaboard or the looming darkness of the open ocean, but this shallow and swampy resort locale feels effectively menacing in murky underwater shots. Horror references abound as Ellis winks at genre tropes while maintaining his own unique vision. A scene in which Sabin dangles Nick, strapped to a chair, above a tank of tiger sharks feels like it may have been ripped from an aquatic version of Hostel. As the soul Black cast member, Malik survives again and again, an inversion of the “Black guy dies first ” trope Walls would skewer a decade later in The Blackening. The credits conclude with a hilarious rap video (directed by Milligan) in which each cast member raps or sings a verse about their character, lampooning LL Cool J’s beloved Deepest Bluest (Shark’s Fin) that concludes the spectacular Deep Blue Sea.  

In addition to these genre nods, Ellis uses the slasher structure to help his film stand out from regular shark fare. Instead of a masked killer with a phallic stabbing tool, Dennis, Red, and Sabin use the sharks as their weapons. They achieve the proximity afforded by knives and chainsaws with underwater cameras that allow them to capture the intimacy of the kill. Watching these deaths feels reminiscent of the nightmarish tracking shot that introduces us to Michael Myers or the ever-present killer lurking in the woods of Camp Crystal Lake. This trio of psychopaths become both killer and audience, simultaneously pulling the strings and enjoying the murderous spectacle from afar. 

Rather than a final girl, Ellis centers the story on Nick’s journey to empowerment. Positioned as a romantic rival to Dennis, the respectful student uses his medical knowledge and level head to take the lead in forming a plan. Blending courage, intelligence, and integrity, he combines the Quint/Brody/Hooper archetypes to emerge as a singular dashing hero. With forgettable female characters, Shark Night 3D becomes a study in masculinity as a variety of outsized male stereotypes fight to be top dog. Released in the wake of Neil Strauss’s The Game and VH1’s The Pickup Artist, Ellis seems to be confronting these essentialist versions of the male persona and proving they can all exist within the same complex character. 

Is this giving Shark Night 3D too much credit? Probably. The film isn’t trying to be profound and it isn’t trying to make sweeping statements about the human condition. It’s trying to throw killer 3D sharks at the screen along with literal buckets of blood. The script is riddled with plot holes. How does a man too unstable to ride in a boat find the strength to wrestle a hammerhead shark to death? How do the villains plan to sell this footage? How is Dennis still so handsome after Sara ran over his face with a speed boat? Who cares! The cast sells the sillier moments by fully committing to the bit and Ellis supports them with harrowing action sequences and terrifying sharks.

Like Shark Week come to life, Shark Night 3D blends the best aspects of aquatic horror with bloody slasher fun to give us one more reason to fear going back into the water.