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While Selling Sunset fans got some insight into Amanza Smith’s messy relationship with her ex-husband, Ralph Brown, on the Netflix reality series, there’s a lot more to the story — and Us Weekly is breaking down everything to know about his disappearance.
Smith and Brown exchanged vows in July 2010. The twosome, who share daughter Noah and son Braker, called it quits after two years of marriage in 2012. She now claims she hasn’t heard from Brown since September 2019.
“My ex-husband and I have been divorced since my kids were 1 and 2,” Smith explained on Selling Sunset. “So, for the past seven years, they have spent a week with Daddy and a week with Mommy. And Daddy’s a great dad, he’s very present, but over the past couple of months stuff has really hit the fan and he’s basically just off the grid. And we don’t really know what’s going on. I just don’t have answers for them.”
She told Entertainment Tonight that the former New York Giants star was an “amazing father” before he went MIA. “When we got divorced, I was adamant that we have 50/50 [custody], because I’m not that kind of person that would ever want my kids to never see their father as much as they see me. ‘You have two good parents. I want you to experience both of them,’” Smith said. “What I’m learning is once you go into it with it 50/50, it’s really hard to then switch to full custody.”
Smith also opened up to Us Weekly about her situation in August 2020.
“I’ve only been a single mom for, like, less than a year,” the reality TV personality told Us. “Their dad was very much involved. And so every week, I had one full week to myself and I dove in extra work as much as I wanted to. If I wanted to go on a date, go out with a friend or whatever, that’s when I would do it. So this has been a total change.”
While Brown has yet to publicly comment on Smith’s interviews or reality show, he addressed his ex-wife and his current state in a November 2019 court declaration obtained by Us.
“In 2010, my NFL career ended and my mental and physical pain from playing football for 21 years of my life was already causing me great pain. While I was married to Ms. Smith I had multiple physical and mental breakdowns in tears of pain and anguish in front of Ms. Smith stating that I did not know what was wrong with me because I felt my physical extremities, body and cognitive abilities were seeming to atrophy extensively,” he stated. “I didn’t understand at the time what was happening and I was very scared because of the multiple breakdowns, intense physical pain and mental struggles that numerous retired NFL players experience and I had seen on TV and read multiple articles.”
Scroll through for a breakdown of what we know about Smith and Brown:
Credit: Courtesy of Netflix; Inset: Scott Duffy/YouTube
‘Selling Sunset’ Star Amanza Smith’s Missing Ex-Husband Ralph Brown: Everything We Know
While Selling Sunset fans got some insight into Amanza Smith’s messy relationship with her ex-husband, Ralph Brown, on the Netflix reality series, there’s a lot more to the story — and Us Weekly is breaking down everything to know about his disappearance.
Smith and Brown exchanged vows in July 2010. The twosome, who share daughter Noah and son Braker, called it quits after two years of marriage in 2012. She now claims she hasn’t heard from Brown since September 2019.
“My ex-husband and I have been divorced since my kids were 1 and 2,” Smith explained on Selling Sunset. “So, for the past seven years, they have spent a week with Daddy and a week with Mommy. And Daddy’s a great dad, he’s very present, but over the past couple of months stuff has really hit the fan and he’s basically just off the grid. And we don’t really know what’s going on. I just don’t have answers for them.”
She told Entertainment Tonight that the former New York Giants star was an “amazing father” before he went MIA. “When we got divorced, I was adamant that we have 50/50 [custody], because I’m not that kind of person that would ever want my kids to never see their father as much as they see me. ‘You have two good parents. I want you to experience both of them,'” Smith said. “What I’m learning is once you go into it with it 50/50, it’s really hard to then switch to full custody.”
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Smith also opened up to Us Weekly about her situation in August 2020.
“I’ve only been a single mom for, like, less than a year,” the reality TV personality told Us. “Their dad was very much involved. And so every week, I had one full week to myself and I dove in extra work as much as I wanted to. If I wanted to go on a date, go out with a friend or whatever, that’s when I would do it. So this has been a total change.”
While Brown has yet to publicly comment on Smith’s interviews or reality show, he addressed his ex-wife and his current state in a November 2019 court declaration obtained by Us.
“In 2010, my NFL career ended and my mental and physical pain from playing football for 21 years of my life was already causing me great pain. While I was married to Ms. Smith I had multiple physical and mental breakdowns in tears of pain and anguish in front of Ms. Smith stating that I did not know what was wrong with me because I felt my physical extremities, body and cognitive abilities were seeming to atrophy extensively,” he stated. “I didn’t understand at the time what was happening and I was very scared because of the multiple breakdowns, intense physical pain and mental struggles that numerous retired NFL players experience and I had seen on TV and read multiple articles.”
Scroll through for a breakdown of what we know about Smith and Brown:
Credit: Courtesy of Amanza Smith/Instagram
When She Last Saw Him
The real estate agent told Entertainment Tonight that Brown disappeared two weeks into her filming season 2 of the Netflix reality show in 2019. Smith told E! News in August 2020 that the last time her ex was spotted was August 26, 2019, when he brought their kids to school in Los Angeles.
“On my way to school my hands were shaking from the night before and I had extreme chronic migraines. I nearly had a breakdown and wanted to yell in the car, but I managed to keep it together for the kids,” he wrote in his court docs.
Credit: Courtesy of Netflix
The Last Time She Heard From Him
According to Smith, Brown reached out to her on September 1, 2019, less than a week after he dropped the kids off at school. “He sent me an email, and he said, ‘My situation isn’t good right now. I can’t financially take care of the children. It’s not safe for them to be with me. You need to keep them until my situation changes,’” she claimed on to podcast host Amanda Hirsch.
Credit: Courtesy of Amanza Smith/Instagram
Her Claims
“I’ve had at least 20 of his ex-NFL teammates reach out to me saying, ‘Hey, have you heard from him? Do you know what’s going on?'” Smith told ET in August 2020. “His best friend of 20 years has no idea. He’s alive somewhere because otherwise, we would know. There are so many people actively trying and there’s just no answer.”
She told Hirsch that she knows he’s alive because they traced back an address after he submitted a change-of-address form to the courts.
Credit: Scott Duffy/YouTube
His Claims
“Being a parent has been the hardest thing because of the ages of the kids since 2012 when I filed for divorce. I cannot walk or stand for too long or my knees and or lower back will start to hurt very bad,” he wrote in the declaration. “Ms. Smith has constantly texted me on the week she has the kids and the days when I have the kids and it has caused me great stress which has caused multiple mental breakdowns because of her inability to leave me alone even when I have the kids for my week. … The extensive pain in my injuries has been so overwhelming I have not wanted to get out of bed at times and do anything for several years. I’ve struggled with depression for many years after my retirement due to this continuous pain.”
Credit: Courtesy of Amanza Smith/Instagram
The Money Claims
Smith alleged on the “Not Skinny But Not Fat” podcast that Brown “paid child support for a year and a half” after their split “and then stopped” because he “blew through his money” not long after he retired from football.
In his court paperwork, Brown claimed he was borrowing money from family and friends to “support and supply the kids with their needs even at times when I did not have money or food for myself.”
He went on to claim that he was forced to move out of his apartment in March 2019 amid his debt, writing, “This hardship caused the kids great stress to know we have lost our home. This devastated me and brought me to a lower place in my life.”
After he found a temporary home for six months, he ended up sleeping in his car.
“My finances were disappearing so fast, food was scarce, my physical body was worn out and I couldn’t catch up to the days. But I continued because I was trying to be a father and even though my disability funds were disappearing which was my only income,” he wrote.
Credit: Scott Duffy/YouTube
His Health Battle
In his paperwork, Brown detailed the “accumulative effects of the bodily damage and concussions” he endured from his time in the NFL, including “ringing in my head, chronic migraines, bright lights, memory loss … joint pain that can be unbearable as well as gives me anxiety, depressive thoughts, pain in my chest and trembling hands.” He believes he may suffer from chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE).
He also said Smith has made him feel “suffocated” in the past.
“The situation since meeting Ms. Smith has caused me great stress, sleepless nights, heart ache, anxiety, loss of money, loss of time, loss of friends, anguish, chronic migraines, stomach aches, loss of sanity, dizziness loss of being able to be in the right state of mind, fear,” he said.
Smith acknowledged his health concerns to ET: “In my mind, it’s like, OK, if he’s had some sort of mental breakdown or — he played in the NFL for 11 years, I have to wonder if maybe it’s CTE. Those are real [issues].”
Credit: Courtesy of Amanza Smith/Instagram
His Family’s Claims
Brown made it clear in the docs that he wasn’t happy with Smith for reaching out to his family. “[She] harassed, stalked my parents via text messages and emails my brother-in-law who is a pastor via social media publicly and once again my sister recently in November,” he said in the docs. “She said ‘where the f—k is Ralph? My kids are sad! Your family is evil. You are a family of God?! Shame on you. My babies are hurting. Shame on you.’”
Smith, for her part, spoke about Brown’s family on Hirsch’s podcast. “Anytime I reach out to anyone,I get blocked,” she said, noting that their kids were “very close” to his side of the family. “I’ve had to pick up the pieces and mend little broken hearts.”
Credit: Scott Duffy/YouTube
Why He’s Not a Missing Person
While Smith filed a missing person report in November 2019, she was told the email Brown sent two months prior affected the case.
“I was redirected to an investigator in [the police] office,” she told E! News in August 2020. “But after reviewing my case they came back to me stating that he was not a missing person because there was no sign of foul play — and he had also sent me an email telling me that it was ‘not safe for the children to be with him right now,’ and I would need to keep them until his situation changed.”
In his declaration, Brown said Smith filed the report “knowing I was not OK and knowing I was not missing.”
Credit: Courtesy of Amanza Smith/Instagram
Her Response to His Court Statement
“This is the first I am hearing of this court statement. However, the fact is that Ralph abandoned his two children in August 2019 with no word,” Smith told Us in a statement on October 14. “I did everything I could to find him for their sake as any mother would. I contacted every member of his family by any means possible. At first, I was very nice and polite but as the months went by, I did get upset and angry that he had left his children with no explanation and no idea as to his whereabouts.”
The reality star confirmed that the last time she heard from her ex was in September 2019, when she received an email regarding their children. “He wrote, ‘It is not safe that the kids be with me. You will have to keep the kids until the situation changes,’” she explained. “I did what he said, expecting him to change his mind in the near future, knowing he must have been going through something serious.”
After going to the police following his disappearance, Smith told Us that it’s “ridiculous” for the former football player to “claim that I caused him ‘anxiety’ by trying to find out where he was and if he was ever going to see his children again. It is shocking to hear him describe himself as a victim when he has two small children who have no father. Knowing now that he made this statement, actually makes me really upset and sad to know that he knew how desperate I was to find him and how distraught his children were and all he could think of was himself.”
The mother of two concluded that she’s had “one year of sleepless nights” worrying about what happened to the father of her children. “Of course I did not leave any rock unturned in my effort to find him when just now it’s clear he didn’t want to be found,” she added.
Credit: Netflix; YouTube
Still Searching for Answers
The realtor told Us in February 2021 that it’s been 17 months since she’s heard from Brown.
“I need answers. I want to know where you are for whatever reason — if you are mentally unstable or if you’re on drugs. I can help get you rehabilitated so that my children can have the version of their father back that we all knew and loved,” Smith told Us. “This sounds so morbid, but it’s almost like if he had died and we knew about it and we found out … you mourn it. It’s that permanent. This is, like, open-ended. It’s abandonment.”
She added: “If he showed up on my doorstep, I don’t know, I probably would either freeze in shock or break down sobbing, hug him … but [my reaction] wouldn’t be anger.”
Credit: Courtesy Amanza Smith/Instagram
Seeking Sole Custody
Smith told Us in February 2021 that she is seeking sole custody of their two kids. “It’s a process and it costs money and it’s a whole thing,” she said. “I’m like, ‘I have to pay money now to fight in court to get the kids that belong to me?’ I’m a little bit stressed.”
Credit: Courtesy Amanza Smith/Instagram
The Kids’ Status
According to Smith, her son and daughter cannot go to therapy without Brown’s consent.
“I talked to someone [who] gives me kind of tips and pointers,” she said. “They’re amazing kids. They literally could be flunking out of school, cursing, acting out, doing chores and it would make sense, but they’re not any of that. They’re the most, well-behaved, well-mannered kids.”
Credit: Scott Duffy/YouTube
Ralph Allegedly Has a Girlfriend
Smith told Us in February 2021 that Brown was seeing someone before he went MIA.
“I found her Instagram at one point, like a year ago. And I was blocked already from my Instagram, but I was like, ‘Oh, I have a business one for my interior design.’ So, I went on from that and I didn’t even bother sending a DM. I just commented under her latest posts, ‘Where’s Ralph, you were the last one seen with my kids. They’re hurting. They’re sad. We need answers,’” Smith told Us. “And then the next day I was blocked. It’s just so crazy.”
Credit: Courtesy of Amanza Smith/Instagram
Custody Change
In June 2021, Smith filed a petition seeking sole legal and physical custody of the pair’s two children, claiming that she has not received “one dime of support since about November 2014.” Her declaration also alleged that she “may have a good idea as to where [Brown] is” after making “several efforts” to discover his location.
Credit: Courtesy Amanza Smith/Instagram
A Big Win
In September 2021, Smith was awarded sole custody of the two children she shares with Brown. Legal documents obtained by Us also stated that the former athlete has “no visitation” until he provides proper information, including an updated contact address, after not being involved in the case in two years.
“I’m relieved that this long process is over. It’s been incredibly hard on me and especially the children,” Smith exclusively told Us in a statement following the legal decision. “We will never be ‘over’ the absence of their father, but hopefully we can move forward in a more positive way now that we are unhindered by the legal obstacles that prevented me from making the decisions that are best for us as a family of three.”
Credit: Courtesy Amanza Smith/Instagram
Still Off the Grid
“It’s exactly how it was when we left off,” Smith revealed about the status of her missing ex in an August 2022 exclusive interview with Us. “We’ve not heard a peep. There’s no emails, there’s no phone calls. The family hasn’t reached out, the parents — nothing. I’ve stopped trying to reach out to his family. I’ve ceased all attempts to [communicate].”
Though the TV star said messages she sent to her ex’s mother were “checked,” she still heard “no response” from Brown or anyone related to him.
“I’m not saying that that chapter is closed because it will never be until we hear from him,” Smith continued. “But for now, we’ve put it behind us and we’ve just accepted this as our new reality and we’ve moved past it and we’re doing quite well considering.”
Credit: Todd Williamson/E! Entertainment/NBC
Sharing Her Story
Smith exclusively told Us in December 2022 that Brown was still “definitely not in the picture” after she was awarded sole custody. “It was three years at the end of August since we’ve seen him,” she said. “It’s OK. I’ve been really blessed with a lot of opportunities since that happened. The timing was piss poor. I signed on to do a reality show and then he disappeared. I probably wouldn’t have signed on to do a reality show had I known that that was what was going to happen. However, had I not [done Selling Sunset], our lives would be very different. I don’t know that I would be able to be supporting them the same way that I am now. So, everything happens for a reason.”
The reality star added that people have reached out to her “with similar stories” after she opened up about her experience on Selling Sunset. “Sadly, I’m not the only one that something like this has happened to,” she told Us. “So, if I have to be the voice and platform to inspire other women going through this, I will take those reins with honor.”
